Oscar Fright
Written on March 8, 2010 at 4:48 pm, by Mary Hogan
A frightfully thin Suzy Cameron on Oscar Night
Suzy Cameron may have gone green in her recycled gown on last night’s Red Carpet, but I wish she’d gone for a burger, instead. Who else noticed those painfully thin arms and VSBs (Visible Sternum Bones)? I’m all for a little clavicle ridge, but James, please, get your wife some dinner and some help. She needs to EAT!!
DAY 23: The Anaconda
Written on March 8, 2010 at 12:10 pm, by Mary Hogan
My hunger is an anaconda. It wraps itself around my middle and squeezes the life out of me. I fall asleep with it at night, wake up with it in the morning. By noon, the anaconda is disrupting the blood flow to my brain.
Diane, my skinny sister, insists I’m doing something wrong. “You shouldn’t be hungry,” she says. “It’s all about choices. Choose more filling food.” I want to choose to fill her with cruciferous vegetables and withhold the Beano. I now get why those girls on America’s Next Top Model are always up in each other’s faces. It’s hunger. How can you be pleasant when you’re being crushed by a giant snake?
DAY 22: Leg Work
Written on March 1, 2010 at 11:56 am, by Mary Hogan
Today, I’m undercover. I’m sitting on a bench, on Madison Avenue, outside a restaurant appropriately called, “E.A.T.”
The name says it all. Yummy.
The fat me would have been sitting here with one of their flax seed muffins, eating it from the bag the way a bum drinks whiskey. The thin me chose fruit salad. I picked fruit salad because the skinny woman ahead of me in line asked for it.
“No grapes, please,” she said.
Worried that I’d get all her discarded grapes, I quickly said, “How weird is that? I don’t like grapes, either!”
She gave me a look. So did the guy behind the counter. I ignored them both and made a mental note that thin women have no problem asking for food exactly the way they want it. In fact, my thin friend, Claudia, is notorious for annoying waiters—and everyone at her table—by reconfiguring all the items listed on a menu.
“I’ll have the lemon chicken. Only, could you ask the chef to make it with lime? And tofu?”
Before I began living thinly, I would have hoped that my fruit salad at E.A.T. was primarily honeydew melon and strawberries. Now, I requested it that way and stared down the counter guy with my newly-thinned attitude. Was I already becoming a skinny bitch? Cool. Like smoking in the Catholic School bathroom.
The View…From Here
Written on February 25, 2010 at 2:04 pm, by Mary Hogan
Who saw Giuliana Rancic and her hubby, Bill, on The View this morning? 
While I applaud G’s honesty, I could not believe my ears. Struggling with infertility, the E! fashion reporter was told by her doc to gain “5 to 10 pounds” so her too-thin body would begin to ovulate normally again. Bill wisely cut his wife off when she blamed her calorie restriction on her stylist who insists on bringing her only sample sizes to wear!
How far have we sunk when a woman has to forgo OVULATION to look good on TV????
Peanut Butter and Me…A Love Story
Written on February 20, 2010 at 5:26 pm, by Mary Hogan
There are very few foods that I cannot share an apartment with. One is (sadly) chips. I have tried, honestly I have. I’ve lived with Latin lovers, inviting tortilla chips into my home. I’ve gone baked, kettled, salt-free. My latest attempt at a normal relationship was puffed. Puffed rice chips, puffed corn chips, puffed potato chips. I thought, foolishly, that air might slow the oil derrick motion of my arm around a bag of chips. Yet, the only puffiness left in my house was me.
Now, five months into my Year of Living Thinly, I have finally made peace with the irreconcilable differences I have with chips. It’s no one’s fault. We’re just toxic with one another. It’s time for me to move on with my life.
I have.
I’m in love.
The object of my affection is a little chunky, but I don’t care. Peanut Butter and I are inseparable.
They said it wouldn’t last, but we’re going strong. I buy my chunky love in bulk, even have backups in the freezer. What can I say? True love is beyond anyone’s control. At times, it’s hard to swallow. It sticks to the roof of your mouth and gets painfully stuck in the middle of your chest, but you don’t care. Love hurts sometimes. That’s the way it is.
DAY 15: Bob’s Butt Crack (Optical Delusions)
Written on February 18, 2010 at 5:23 pm, by Mary Hogan
For the first time in…forever, my husband Bob said something negative about my weight.
“So, how’s your Year of Living Thinly going?” he asked.
An innocuous question, much like, “Have you heard from your mother lately?” or “Did you finish updating your website?” Had I not been standing there naked, I would have tossed it off as the daily banter between husband and wife. The fact that Bob suddenly dropped to the floor to do sit-ups should have clued me in.
“Great,” I said. “Why do you ask?”
“No reason.” Six, seven, eight.
“Is it my…butt?” I asked, gingerly. Not nearly enough? Read on...
Lucy’s First (and Second) Snow
Written on March 8, 2010 at 1:13 pm, by Mary Hogan
Three-month-old Lucy...our Jackson Pollack puppy
Yes…I know it’s hopelessly lame posting puppy photos.
What can I say? Love makes you act foolishly.
Five months old. My Black and White pup with her Black and White soccer ball. Already stylish.
Our Arkansas rescue pup LOVES snow.
Who would have figured?
Six months old and GROWING!!!
Lest you think Lucy is banned from all indoor shelter, here she is in my office.
Note the plywood cover over the trash can on the left. Lucy loves snow and Kleenex. All fluffy white stuff. She’s such a girl.
Yo Ralph, Is This a Joke?
Written on February 16, 2010 at 5:51 pm, by Mary Hogan
You have GOT to be kidding me. Anybody know the skinny on this infamous Ralph Lauren ad? Obviously digitally thinned. But, who’s responsible? RL or a hoax?
DAY 10: The Wendy’s Incident
Written on February 15, 2010 at 5:14 pm, by Mary Hogan
My husband Bob, an actor, is in a play in New Haven, Connecticut. I’m visiting him for a few days.
Ten days into my Year of Living Thinly, I’m ready.
Determined to visit thinly, I made a (gluten-free) rice pasta salad—with a three-to-one ratio of vegetables to pasta—and brought it with me. Along with skim-milk mozzerella sticks and individually-packaged prunes. Feeling very proud of myself, I store my skinny supplies neatly in Bob’s fridge and appraise my reflection in the mirror.
Not bad, though I desperately need a mani and pedi before Bob’s Opening Night. And the car is filthy from the drive up.
No problem. Off I go while Bob is in rehearsal. Not nearly enough? Read on...
Mundane Musing
Written on February 15, 2010 at 11:02 am, by Mary Hogan
If you write about real people, change their hair color. For some reason, no one recognizes themselves if you change their hair color. Except my parents, of course, but you can’t have everything.
About the Author
Written on February 14, 2010 at 7:12 pm, by Mary Hogan
Mary Hogan is the award-winning author of seven Young Adult novels. Mary has also written for several national magazines from Family Circle to Fitness. Her specialty: First-person humor pieces on everything from being the fattest girl at her gym, to her addiction to talk radio.
Mary was once assigned the task of bleaching her hair platinum and chronicling daily life as a blonde. Let’s just say she dyed it back as soon as the article was written. Some people have a brunette personality. Period.
Currently, Mary is writing an adult novel called, SOMETHING RESEMBLING LOVE, and blogging her YEAR OF LIVING THINLY. A lifelong fathead (when you’re a fat kid, does it ever leave you?) Mary is living as a thin person for twelve months and–hopefully–living to tell the tale. In this blog, she reveals all. (Even, gulp, The Wendy’s Incident.)
Are you a fathead, too? (Meaning, no matter what the scale says, you FEEL as though you’re one slice of pizza away from being buried in a piano box.) Are you zaftig? Curvy? Naturally thin? A skinny bitch? Share your thoughts, weight loss tips, superior attitude here. All body shapes and sizes are welcome. Though some are envied.
Mary lives in New York City with her husband Bob and their dog, Lucy.
DAY 4: Fat Disclosure
Written on February 11, 2010 at 5:26 pm, by Mary Hogan
In the interest of full fat disclosure, I’ve been overweight my entire life. Not obese, just never thin. I weigh more than Gayle, less than Oprah. I’m usually a size ten. Madison Avenue store clerks would scoff if I tried to shop there, but so would Lane Bryant. The surgeon general would probably issue me a warning if she measured my waistline, though I would not have to pay a McDonald’s surcharge for health care. The history of my physique is thus: I was a cherubic baby, a chubby kid, a pleasingly plump tween, an “awkward” teen and a young woman whose college boyfriend, upon trying on a pair of her pants, said, “These had better not fit me.” (They did.) I was so mortified, it never occurred to me to ask him when he became a cross-dresser.
What if…
Written on February 9, 2010 at 6:30 am, by Mary Hogan
Here’s how the idea for my Year of Living Thinly came about:
The pathetic truth…
I THINK and ACT like a fat person.
I go on diets, I skip meals when I mess up, I feel like a loser every time I gain a pound. I dread the holidays almost as much as they excite me.
“What if,” I said to myself, “I simply stopped that?”
What if I stopped living like a fat person and started living thinly?
What would happen if I simply changed my MIND?
This year, I plan to answer that question. For one year, I will act “as if” I’m thin and see how my life…and my body…changes.
What living thinly means:
- No dieting
- Observe thin women in their natural habitat and eat what they eat, the way they eat it
- Interview my tffs (Thin Female Friends) to get the skinny on thinness
- Interview a diet doc. What’s the truth about genetics and weight? Why has my sister always been thin, while my mother and I are plumpish?
- Go undercover in the thin world to find out what it really takes to maintain a one-digit size…then do it
- Keep a diary of my findings and report them back to you
My promise:
For one year, as I attempt to live thinly, I will document my feelings and experiences in this blog.
Right here, right now, I vow to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. As ugly and mortifying as it may be. Including two ordeals I’ve already lived through: THE WENDY’S INCIDENT and BOB’S BUTT CRACK. (Sounds gross, but it’s really my husband’s comment on the size and shape of my rear end. What, is he suicidal???)
The truth, the whole truth, and nothing butt…..
Much Ado About Nothing
Written on February 8, 2010 at 5:25 pm, by Mary Hogan
Why did everyone go berserk over model Kate Moss’s comment, “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” ? Sounds good to me. (In fact, we used to say that in Weight Watchers!) C’mon people! Lighten up!
DAY 2. Hard Labor Day
Written on February 2, 2010 at 12:22 pm, by Mary Hogan
The only people who think thin women have it easy, are fat. Labor Day was the ideal start date for my Year of Living Thinly because being thin is hard work. I’m hungry and I have a headache. Bobby’s burger is now gone (by “gone” I mean passing through my digestive tract on its way to my thighs) and reality is setting in. First, I realize I have no idea how a thin person actually lives. Do they just starve? When their stomachs rumble, do they go to the gym? Reach for a carrot? A glass of water? Good God.
Second, I now regret telling my friends how much more I like Whoopi than Barbara on The View. It can’t be easy for Barbara to sit there while the acid in her empty stomach eats away at the lining. Not nearly enough? Read on...
DAY ONE
Written on January 15, 2010 at 12:10 pm, by Mary Hogan
Today is the first day of my thin life.
I wake up full. Yesterday, I (of course) had a last supper. No way was I going to begin my Year of Living Thinly on an empty stomach.
“Don’t do it!” my svelte sister, Diane, warned me when I mentioned my plan to “prep” for my thin year by eating everything I was sure I would miss. “You can gain two pounds in two days!”
“Really?” I said. “Two pounds?”
“Yes, really. I know it for a fact. It’s happened to me. Two pounds in two days.”
“Ouch.”
Secretly, I rolled my eyes. Has the woman never been on a cruise? I added ten pounds of butt luggage on a seven-day cruise to Barbados. Two pounds in two days? Amateur. Not nearly enough? Read on...
Roasted Cauliflower with Sage and Lemon
Written on February 2, 2010 at 6:02 pm, by Mary Hogan
Roasted Cauliflower with Sage and Lemon
I made this last night…delicious. It’s from a NY Times recipe if you want exact measurements.
The Basics:
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Saute sage leaves in olive oil
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Drain on paper towel
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Toss raw cauliflower florets in sage oil, add S&P, roast in 375 oven ’til brown
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In saute pan, add butter (I used canola/butter hybrid), heat, whisk in lemon juice
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Toss roasted cauliflower with lemon butter, crumbled sauteed sage leaves, lemon zest and S&P to taste
Perfect with fish.